I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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