oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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