I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
