you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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