it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm at about main and main street
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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