ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
