So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
