none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
