get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
