guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
