I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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