After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
