soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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