the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
