Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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