How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
