I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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