Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
