i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
