I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
