She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
