Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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