dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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