you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
