you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
