Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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