i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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