Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
