I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
