And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
