Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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