idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
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Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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