You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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