my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
