So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
that is very illegal...i love you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
