sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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