Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
