remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
