am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
