hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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