Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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