she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
