remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
