So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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