i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Im part way to drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
