so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need moral support for this bender
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
