idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
