I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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