It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
