i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
