It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
