but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
