I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
