I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
