Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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