I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
