so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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