just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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