I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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