Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
