i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
