he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
