Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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