I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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