i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
