Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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