She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
