i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
