so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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