I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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