Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
