I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
