I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize